Live Wire #1 // Madness
You can read this transmission or you can listen to it for added impact. There is a rhythm, an acoustic element, a frequency that comes through stronger when I speak, rather than type. Click here for the full shebang. Plus, I'm cute.
When I closed my eyes to hear what I was meant to share, 9 of my past life selves appeared.
9! All together. A little support team of me's, standing right there. Reminding me that sending an email is definitely NOT the hardest thing I've (we've? they've?) ever done.
Yet even with those comforting ghosts of Kristin’s past huddled around me saying “this is real, you got this, boo”, my mind’s still like ‘Why are you sharing this stuff, you sound batshit bananas, you have nothing to say, nobody cares, what’s the point, go watch the Chiiiiiiefs!”
Zip it, mind. If I can just get lower than my head, use my breath to get down, into my body, my heart, my chest, underneath the ever-running thoughts….I could spit it out.
This is real. This is real. This is real.
Past lives. Ancestors. Visions. Guides. Spirit. Animals. Elements. I hear messages from them all the time. I once met a fire salamander named Azer! He crawled all over my body during a meditation & helped me unlock the anger, the fire, trapped within me. An intuition? A knowing? My own personal Omniscient Alexa? I consult my universal team on the regular. It’s how I live my life, pack my suitcase, make professional decisions. I once invested a chunk of money in different stocks guided by spirit -- it's doing just fine.
It sounds batshit bananas, we’ve been told it’s batshit bananas, but it’s not.
This is real. This is real. This is real.
Because I know what madness feels like and this isn’t it.
Madness is being afraid to stop moving, to be quiet for even a moment, because then you'll be alone with the darkness of your own thoughts.
Madness is “everything is fine!” on the outside, and meanwhile inside you feel numb, confused, broken & lost. But no one would ever know. Cause you’ll never tell them.
Madness is priding yourself on not ‘having emotions’, because if you let yourself FEEL, you’d lose control & all the grief & fear & shame you’ve suppressed since you were little would destroy you.
Madness is having so many different people’s opinions in your head that you can’t hear what YOU actually want.
Madness is treating your body like your enemy instead of your best friend.
Honestly, y’all, madness is another police murder of an innocent black man. It’s 40 mass shootings in the first three weeks of 2023. While we say “we’re powerless to stop it.”
Madness is thinking that my deep seated unhappiness, my anxiety, my stress, my worries aren’t at least partially the direct result of living in and perpetuating a system that supports/enacts/celebrates? these kinds of atrocities.
Madness is a lot of things. But it isn’t this.
This is clarity. This is connection to something deep, something old, something hidden from us, removed from our education, something lost when we took it upon ourselves to erase history, to tear it apart.
This is...me. A deeper understanding of me than I was taught I could have. A remembering of who I was as a little kid – a live wire whose favorite phrase was NO, I DON’T WANT TO. A remembering of who I am underneath decades of build up – clutter & defenses & lies. Other peoples’ junk.
I’m not here to play it safe. I’m not here to be quiet. I’m not here to go with the flow. To smile and nod. To be just like you. Or to accept things just because it’s the way they’ve always been done….NO I DON'T WANT TO.
When there’s finally quiet inside of you…you start hearing new things. The noise is gone. And when your insides aren’t a tangled mess…you start seeing new things. There’s light in there for the first time.
And you see clearly that you’re not actually alone. And you’re certainly not broken. And in fact you’re quite divine. And you’re not apart from. You’re actually a part of. And you breathe that in & you experience it. And you don’t have to believe in it because it’s just there. It’s just what is. It’s what’s left when everything else is gone.
The God that everyone seeks. Is here, not there. The power they don’t want you to access. Is here, not there. The purpose you desperately want to find. Is here, not there. We’ve got it all wrong. The answers. The clarity. The direction. The guidance. The support. The connection. The superpowers. The peace. The love.
It’s all here. This is real. This is real. Madness is pretending it’s not.
“The whole world is dividing into those who are becoming more independent, and those who cling to the comfort of the old ways.” – The Gene Keys, Richard Rudd (gate 19)