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Live Wire #3 // Lighten Up

You can read this transmission or you can listen to it for added impact. There is a rhythm, an acoustic element to my words, so Click here for the full shebang. Plus, I'm cute.

I want this to be short and sweet. Let’s try not to take this transmission too seriously, ok?

On the surface, I’ve transformed from someone who takes life & themselves super seriously to someone who was described last week as ‘carefree.’

And there’s some truth to that.

My favorite games when I was a little kid were sorting magazines alphabetically and pretending I worked at a stationary store. I spent a decade often feeling like Debbie Downer, like a buzzkill, because I couldn’t let loose, dance my heart out, be spontaneous. When I studied abroad in college, I rarely went out with everyone to drink because ‘guys, it’s called STUDY abroad…we’re here to work.’

Now, I quit a career to work a seasonal, unconventional job I adore. I live quite nomadically & travel most of the year, I don’t have a house, pets, kids, typical responsibilities for someone my age. I allow myself to rest…a lot. So yeah, I can see why I’d be viewed these days as carefree.

But both of these versions of me are personas. Stories. Characters. The studious control freak. The carefree biking tour guide.

The truth, like always, is in the middle. It’s a both and situation. Not an either or.

Yes, I have let go of so many dumb things I used to take seriously. I don’t need to control everything anymore. But also I’ve rooted into so many of my own convictions & values. I’ve opened my eyes to injustice that I used to pretend wasn't there.

So have I lightened up these days? In my own way, yea. Am I more serious than ever? In my own way, yea.

It’s a fluctuation. It’s an in-the-moment decision. To be honest with myself about what I’m feeling. And to act accordingly instead of hiding that feeling away.

Am I lighthearted & joyful in this moment? Be that. Show that.

Am I filled with sorrow for the state of the world? Be that. Show that.

Let it switch. Let it fluctuate. Moment to moment. Be honest. It’s the reality of being human. I’m pissed. I’m elated. I’m horrified. I’m ecstatic.

Could it be that I need to take nothing seriously in this lifetime except how I feel in each individual moment?

I’m not a robot running a program. I’m a human learning to take myself less AND more seriously. Learning to lighten up my grip on things that don’t deserve my energy and at the exact same time to speak up & take the offense I feel seriously when a man tells me to ‘lighten up it’s just a joke.’

It is possible to feel yourself simultaneously lightening up and rooting down. Like a flower stretching up to the sky towards sunlight while burrowing roots down to the core of the earth. Expanding in both directions. Half in light, the other dark. Knowing there are nutrients to be had in both worlds.

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