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Live Wire #11 // Whirlwind

You can read this email or you can listen to it by watching me read it aloud. As you like.

Sometimes I stop, I breathe, and I go, "wtf just happened." The rhythm of my life just carries me -- work work work, go go go, make it through, survive, get to the end -- until I finally land in a place of natural reprieve. A pause. A breath. A moment of rest. Before the whirlwind picks me up & starts swirling again.

As I write, I'm in this place of momentary, brief stillness. Back in my body. I feel heavy, in a good way. Rooted. Powerful. Confident. Relieved to find myself here again. With a huge desire to process "wtf just happened." To use my words as a way to remember & embody & process where I've been, what I've learned, and how I'm feeling.

Without releasing my words, I often can't make heads or tails of my current state. "How are you?" I usually have no idea until I start talking, letting my words flow. They meander & unwind themselves from a muddled nebulous place of "I'm fine" to a clear place where the truth of me becomes known.

Now I have a moment to process. A transition from whirlwind to whirlwind. Back to England to lead two last hiking trips for this 2023 season with Backroads. That'll make 18 trips for the year. 5 different regions. 4 different countries. I've traveled more this season than I ever have before. Death Valley, Netherlands, Cotswolds, Cornwall, Burgundy, Provence. So different than past seasons, where I worked in one place all season long. Maybe this would feel like a whirlwind for most people, not just for me...

And yet even though I moved around more than ever, I'm less burnt out than ever. Usually at this point in the season, I'm toast. A husk of myself. Energetically drained & ready to hibernate for the winter. But I'm learning how to take care of myself. How to protect my energy. How to rest when I need to rest. To say no when I want to say no. Letting go of a lifetime of feeling the pressure to be social, to be liked, to try to fit in, to be a certain way that I think I should be. That I think you want me to be. A lifetime of should's. A lifetime of please like me's. I'm learning how to walk away from people without shame, learning how to revel in my true love of being alone.

It's been a season of owning and embracing these bits of me that I never really understood. And I'm starting to piece it together, I'm starting to see how beautiful it really feels when I'm more me and you're more you. There's so much of me that was hidden under the surface. So much I didn't know existed. How fascinating and wonderful and magical to discover how expansive & wild we each are.

7 years of non-stop inner work to "find myself" & I've got so much more within me than I ever could've imagined. An expansion of self I didn't realize was possible. My system. My energy. My desires. My purpose. My life. The shape of me is clearer. The boundaries of where I end and you begin are firming up nicely. It's been quite the voyage to clean this puppy out, but the house of me no longer feels filled up with everyone else's stuff. It feels light & airy, windows flung open, sunlight spilling in.

This winter I want to luxuriate in the house of me. Family. Rest. Study. Work of a different nature. Pressing pause on guiding people on their world travels & turning instead back to guiding people through their inner realms. I can't wait for invitations to peer into the house of you.

Sending love from France, England & India, as I finish up my season & venture back home to Charleston. Back in the whirlwind I go. See you when I next touch down again,


P.S. Want to work together this winter? Let me know! Your invitations & curiosities help me craft my offerings.

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